While She Was Out
by stacy hayashi
Jeepers and Creepers crouched on the windowsill, staring out at the rain and the bleak gray light.
“Jesus,” said Jeepers. “This weather is a fucking bummer.”
Creepers pushed her goblin face up against the glass and frowned. She scratched the salt and pepper gray fur on her thigh and looked over at Jeepers.
“Yeah, it’s making me so sleeeeeeeepy,” said Creepers. “I just wanna curl in a ball and take a nap.”
“She’ll notice,” said Jeepers. “Don’t do it.”
“She just changed the sheets, though,” Creepers said. “C’mmmmmmon. Fresh sheets!”
Jeepers scrunched up her brow.
“You’ll be on the sheets tonight,” said Jeepers.
“Yeah, but we have to sit on her chest and stare at her all night,” said Creepers. “That’s work.”
Creepers huffed and her breath fogged up the window. She drew a sad face with her finger.
“We need to remember to give her a bit longer to fall asleep before we sit on her chest,” said Jeepers. “We’ve been climbing on too early.”
“Yeah, she almost woke up last night,” said Creepers. “It scared me.”
Creepers hopped off the window sill and went over to the dresser and absentmindedly ran her fingers over a blue glass jar of pills.
“What are these?”
“Melatonin and magnesium pills,” said Jeepers, looking over her shoulder back at Creepers. “And 5HTP, I think.”
“What about this?” Creepers picked up an amber colored dropper bottle.
“Tinctures,” said Jeepers. “Rose water essence infused with a black tourmaline crystal.”
“And this?” Creepers, pushing her finger onto a glowing pink Himalayan salt lamp.
“A Himalayan salt lamp,” said Jeepers.
Creepers put both of her hands around the lamp.
“Oooooooooh,” said Creepers. “I like it.”
Creepers leaned over and licked the lamp.
“Creepers!” said Jeepers. “What the hell?”
“I like salt,” said Creepers, “I thought it would taste like truffle salt, but it doesn’t!”
Creepers grimaced and spit lightly. Jeepers rolled her eyes.
“Well, don’t move anything,” said Jeepers. “We’re supposed to immobilize her and trap her in a waking nightmare, not make her think there was a break-in.”
“Oh, of course!” said Creepers, nodding her head. “Sleep paralysis only.”
Creepers turned her head suddenly and scampered out of the room.
“Creepers?”
“I’m checking on the cockroaches!”
“What cockroaches? You brought in cockroaches?!”
“I saw some crawling on this couch on the sidewalk—“
“Why wou—“
“Well, I didn’t bring back the couch!” Creepers snapped, sticking her head back in the bedroom. Creepers glared at Jeepers. “I just sat on it and played with the cockroaches for a while. They were nice!”
“And?”
“And they crawled on my legs and they reeeeeeeally wanted to see the apartment,” said Creepers. “So I brought them back.”
“Gross.”
“You’re gross.”
“When did you do this?” said Jeepers, turning to the window. “You sat on a wet sidewalk couch?”
“No,” said Creepers.
“You better be careful,” said Jeepers. “You’re going to turn into a gremlin.”
“Ugh! That’s not how that works!” said Creepers. “It’s when you eat something after midnight you turn into a gremlin!”
“Mmhmm,” said Jeepers.
“I sat on the couch yesterday and brought them back,” said Creepers, walking back into the living room. Creepers plopped onto the couch and started clipping her toenails.
“You better sweep those up,” said Jeepers from the bedroom.
But they could be hers!” said Creepers, picking one up and popping it in her mouth.
A drop of water landed on Creepers’ foot. She looked up.
“Jeepers,” said Creepers, “there’s a leak.”
Jeepers walked in and looked up at the ceiling.
“She’s going to be stressed out tonight,” said Jeepers.
“Does that mean she won’t even try to fight the sleep paralysis?” Creepers said. “That’s no fun!”
Jeepers sighed.
“If she doesn’t fight back, it’s like sitting on a dead person!” said Creepers. “I don’t like it!”
“I don’t like it either,” said Jeepers. “It’s been happening to a lot of goblins.”
Creepers looked at Jeepers.
“A lot of depressed people?” said Creepers. “They’re all too sad to move?”
“Yes,” said Jeepers, pursing her lips. “HQ is looking into it. They are worried if we start losing too many humans, there won’t be enough left to meet our terrorizing quotas.”
“Uh oh,” said Creepers. “They’re gonna start cutting hours.”
“They already are,” said Jeepers, looking down at the ground. “And they’re splitting up partners, too.”
“What?!” cried Creepers. “That’s ahorrible!”
Creepers looked at Jeepers.
“They’re not splitting us apart are they?”
Jeepers did not look up.
“Jeepers?”
Jeepers bit her lip.
“JEEPERS.”
Jeepers looked back at the bedroom.
“They are reassigning me,” said Jeepers. “Today is my last day here.”
Creepers’ eyes began to fill with tears.
“But you have your cockroach friends now,” said Jeepers.
Jeepers walked toward the front door.
“I was actually supposed to leave this morning...” said Jeepers.
Creepers balled her hands into fists. Jeepers walked back over to Creepers and patted her shoulder.
“I wrote you a list of reminders,” said Jeepers.
Creepers looked at Jeepers.
“And I talked to HQ,” said Jeepers. “I told them you were doing a great job.”
Creepers lightly punched her own thighs, frowning.
“Maybe go find more cockroaches,” said Jeepers, “if that makes this easier.”
Creepers eyes brightened.
“And a rat?” said Creepers, her eyes getting bigger. “And BED BUG CUDDLE BUDDIES?!”
Jeepers smiled.
“Sure,” said Jeepers.
“Yayyyyyyyy!” said Creepers, giving Jeepers a hug. “I’m gonna go now!”
Creepers bent down and picked up a toenail and handed it to Jeepers.
“Don’t forget me!”